This is a problem that many, if not almost all people suffer from. Inner wars. Internal self talk that just seems like a battle field. Vivid and seems-real imagination in its worst outcome – feels real, looks real, sounds real – eventually, just like a self-fulfilling prophecy, it becomes real.

Internal War Zone is being created when you argue or fight with other people. You get involved in a very emotional rough discussion or “battle”, but all of that is happening within the boundaries of your mind.

Is it healthy? Sometimes, if you win. Mostly, it is simply exhausting. It consumes precious time, gets you tired and bitter and makes your relationship with the real person who you were fighting with in your imagination, much less healthy.

You heard from someone in your workplace that you might get fired. On your way home, you start the imagination trip to the Internal War Zone… Oh, yes, you’re going to get revenge even before you know for sure you’re getting fired. You’re going to tell your boss how much of a lowlife he is, how much you have invested in his company just to get kicked out, how much money he actually owes you for all the extra hours and efforts you put in that place on your own expense… in fact, you are living that argument and anger and frustration right there in your mind, in your Internal War Zone.

Then, it might be over after a couple of minutes or a couple of hours or a couple of days. You dwell within those internal scenes of communication battle, and after a few days it happens – your boss calls you to his office. You’re getting yourself geared up, emotionally, to finally face the real life battle. You say to yourself that you are prepared to repeat the words you so courageously said while fighting your imaginary battle all of the past few days. You’re ready for the worst and are willing to fight until the last drop of blood (hopefully of your boss).

But then your boss, again, ruins your plans. He called you in just to ask if everything’s ok, if you’d like a vacation or need some help in your work. He showed empathy and care and said that you just seemed distracted the last few days and he wanted to make sure you understand that you can talk to him whenever you need. In fact, he gave you his home phone number and said you can call at any time.. “Feel free, I don’t want to lose you here”.

The battles you have participated in within your own mind was a waste of time and energy. You feel like an idiot (and you should) because you hadn’t have enough dignity and courage to simply be honest and ask your boss ahead of time if it’s true what you’ve been told about getting fired.

You won the internal battle alright, but you’ve lost a lot of joy you could have these days.

Now, let me share with you a very simple NLP technique that will help you not to win IN your internal War Zone, but OVER your internal War Zone. Over means making the battle go away, making it resolved before you get angry and frustrated and emotionally charged for imagining a conflict that has yet, if ever, to happen.

I know it works, cause I tried it myself and I did recommend it to quite a lot of people who asked me for advice regarding this issue.

Try out for yourself, see what happens:

The NLP Strategy To Win Over Your Internal War Zone

Step One: Let It Come To You

You need to catch yourself in action. This method can only assist you if you can catch yourself right when this internal dialogue begins – you suddenly find yourself arguing with another person within your own mind, while driving or doing the laundry or eating…

Define it. Who’s that person? What has initiated that internal argument and conflict? Give them a face, a name, a place, a situation and define your own outcome.

Step Two: Dissociate

This is the second step just because you really have to dissociate yourself from the charged emotions. You need to “get outside” of that conflict in order to control it. If you stay associated, that is within your own emotions, then you cannot really direct the whole situation.

Now, as you dissociate yourself and you take a third person position – see yourself and hear yourself as if you’re standing a few feet away from that battle zone. You’re still in that Internal War Zone, but you’re now in a mediator position. In between.

Step Three: Add Some Softener

You use a softener on your clothes to make them more comfortable to wear after laundry right? Good. Now try to use the same idea on the words you hear yourself saying in that Internal War Zone.

You’re now in the dissociated image, taking a mediator position, seeing and hearing yourself right there a few feet away in front of that person you’re arguing with.

Now make that image softer. Make the voices sound softer. For you, it might mean going slower and a bit slower, changing the digital content (words you use), making the image a bit more colorful, more yellow and green and brown. Putting some soft music in the background. Whatever works for you.

Step Four: Go Beyond Yourself

Take the position of the other person, but not exactly. Go behind him. See the back of his head, in your third-person position (mediator) and look through his point of you – at yourself. Hear the arguments you’re saying, listen to your words – do they really reflect reality or do you find yourself exaggerating?

How would that other person feel if you truly told him these words? Would it be useful to get what you really want?

Step Five: Make The Picture Go Away

Internal War Zones are almost never useful, even if you win and for sure if you lose. You are ALWAYS ready to argue, you don’t need to practice and waste time and energy on it before hand. When the time comes, if you need to fight you will. No need for early preparation.

Therefore, the Internal War Zone is not useful in situations where you don’t practice a skill but practice feeling bad with yourself. Alone. How useful is that?

Make the picture go away. You did what you had to do – you understood your position, you saw the situation through an objective point of view and you know how the other person sees you as you put up your verbal fists and fight. It’s over. Let it go.

You do so by simply dimming the picture, returning to the associated image of yourself, and dimming again the picture all the way through until you can’t really recognize what the argument is about and with whom. If you can’t see it, it ain’t real – that’s the key point here.

Step Six: Gratitude

The feeling of gratitude is a definite solution to feeling bad with yourself, alone. Start by going through the numbers 1 and 10, and forcing yourself to thank your luck for all these treasures you have. 1 might be your eyes and sight, 2 might be your sharp mind, 3 might be having friends, 4 might be your skill to appreciate others and yourself, 5 might be? 6? 7? 8? 9? 10? If 10 came easily, keep going up with the numbers…

One person told me he got beyond 100 and he got stuck in a different zone…

How much of a good feeling could it be starting within an Internal War Zone and getting stuck eventually in the Gratitude and Self Appreciation Zone?