This concept is also a major one when it comes to persuasion. It has evolved out of the psychological observation, that every single person is actually self absorbed.

When it comes to self help, we can understand why we behave a certain way or have certain thoughts, even though we don’t want those to appear through us.

Being self absorbed means that consciously or unconsciously, your brain is answering your question – What’s in it for me?

The answer comes up pretty fast, and that’s one big reason for us being motivated to… smoke, drink alcohol, get angry, insult, get insulted, cry, demand, join a cult, and so much more.

It’s hard to think this way when it comes to things you do because you think you’re a good person. For example, if you ride the bus or tram, sitting there exhausted after a long day, and an old lady is stepping up the stairs at the station… would you or would you not stand up to let her have your seat?

Here comes the question, before you even know it… What’s in it for me?

You’re going to stand up, most likely, because it’s more painful for you to think that you’re selfish and not polite (as mom taught you to be to older people), than to feel some discomfort after a long day… You stand up, feel so good about your generous offer to the old lady, and your ride becomes much easier.

Is it really caring about another person… or is it self absorption? Is it out of humble generosity, not because you’re a good person but because it’s the right thing to do at the moment… or is it because it would make you feel good, that other people judge you by your actions… you did stand up and gave up your seat for the old lady, they must be proud of you!

That’s when we’re dealing with self discovery… but there’s the other side – “everybody has reasons”. Which means, we’re not alone in this self absorption… other people do that too, and there’s a very high chance that every single person you’d meet in life is self absorbed.

The NLP trick here is quite simple – changing perspective mentally… you go out of your own body, and stand right behind the person you’re communicating with, looking at you above his or her shoulders… and gain their perspective. Now, out of their point of view, you’re going to ask yourself… what’s in it for me?!

The answer you’d get from your own brain is priceless to the situation – you would know what’s in it for the other person…. so you would compose your words and behavior, after dropping their perspective and going back to your own – to fit into their criteria… fulfill their “is in it” for them, and they’ll be pulled and convinced by themselves.