By: Stephan Thieme

Another excerpt from the excellent book, “Persuasion Mastery“.

Another problem with unconscious pacing happens when the pacing is not working. This is not a failure to use the skills, it is a failure of the skills being used. But what was failing? Were you too artificial? Was there something about you or the situation that was too negative for this person to have gotten comfortable with you, despite your efforts to connect? Or was it something more advanced and subtle?

The answer may lie in asymmetry. Some people want to have a very asymmetrical relationship. They want to be very much in charge. They can be like those lizards that flare their necks and charge at a mirror image of themselves. Acting like a peer of a person like that can actually cause them to feel enraged. I’ve experienced this myself. There are several things you can do.

You can pick up on this early in the encounter and act like the servile service person that this domineering person wants to see you as. What does it cost you? It’s your choice. If you have been showing your alpha aspect to him, then perhaps you’re best off deflecting it sideways, that is, by expressing it about a separate target. For example, inferior customers who don’t understand what he does, or inferior staff of another business that he was displeased with. You could even deflect it into something inadequate in the packaging, and rush to hand him one that has no defect (real or imaginary). This deflection gambit is a very good one to have up your sleeve.

But bear in mind that many dominant or attacking types can be lonely, and really want someone to step up and meet them directly. The trick is that, if you have gotten intimidated or aggravated, this may take some practice. But what you want to do is to show your intensity in a was that is directed to a positive outcome. “This delay is ridiculous, I can’t believe we haven’t scheduled enough checkout staff for today! Let me take care of this immediately!” A strong attitude, eye-to-eye, with a dominant person will work much better this way. Even if you have to redirect them, when there is no other choice, you can be strong if you use positive, outcome-oriented words. “Some of the staff can’t handle an animated discussion! Here, let’s hash this out over in the side office, I’m sure we can get take care of you.”

Read the book “Persuasion Mastery“.