By: Shlomo Vaknin, C.Ht

I remember participating in a very intense discussion about the manipulative nature of NLP techniques. Lately, people I speak with (in real life) have also raised similar concerns.

Well, when I think about it deeply, I can’t avoid concluding that the assumption – NLP techniques are manipulative – is actually true. There’s a negative aspect to the things we learn. We learn how to “mess around” with other people’s consciousness and sub consciousness. We learn to manipulate people to think as we are, to like us, to follow our lead. We learn to (ab)use people’s automatic trust factor by using rapport, mirroring, Milton language patterns and tons of other techniques.

Cults do the same. They induce people into some kind of trance, usually in big groups and with the use of the hypnotic laws of one-up-man-ship. They reprogram people to believe them, using techniques that are very similar, or even derived from, NLP and Hypnosis.

There’s a negative aspect to the learning of influence, persuasion and therapeutic. There’s a negative aspect to conversational hypnosis, the one that is done and used without the acceptance of the “client” or “victim”.

There are plenty of positive aspects, of course, but that specific concern about manipulating others is the one that now intrigues me.

The fact is, that NLPWeekly is a success simply because people want to learn how to help others, and for a more personal reasons – they want to learn how to avoid being manipulated. You see, if you learn the methods of persuasion, of hypnotic language, of subconscious patterning and so on – you have a tool to affect others, if you wish – but you also have a set of tools to avoid being (ab)used.

Psychics use a lot of these techniques – we spoke about them already, if you remember. Politicians use it. Sales people obviously are masters of persuasion, unless they are poor communicators with no wish to be skillful in their craft. Children are good at it, as well as con artists. Advertisers are polishing their skills all the time, finding new ideas to pop their customer’s product into your consciousness when buying decision is due.

These are all manipulations. In a perfect world, we won’t have advertisements in public restrooms, after every 300 meters of a freeway, under our grocery receipts, and in so many annoying formats. Even though they annoy us, they still manage to manipulate our minds to be attracted to the products. Even when you say to yourself – this is too much – they are still making their way through.

This is called forced manipulation, when the intention of the manipulator is to find ANY way to get to you, no matter how bad you’d feel with their tactics. Cult leaders are using this negative form of manipulation as well – they hammer your most hurtful thoughts at you, in front of a bunch of strangers. You might get into hypnosis almost immediately, trying to seek remedy – which always come right after… some people give in only to avoid confrontation, get approval or simply because it hurts to much. If you come to think of it, the source of the pain is not your hurtful thoughts – but the person who induces them.

There would be 3 ways of living, surrounded by manipulators and forced manipulations tactics:

First, you could ignore it all. You could say to yourself – I’m strong enough and no one can get to me. That would be the wrong approach, since some day, somehow, in some way – you won’t even know, but you’d suddenly realize it happens to you so much that you can’t even control it.

The second approach is being careful. Being suspicious of every little thing, every person and in every situation. That could work, but for how long could you stay conscious of your surrounding? Not much, for sure. How many details and formulas (tactics) could you investigate while still living normally? Not a lot. That is also a bad strategy, since you’d be a stressful overwhelmed and neurotic within a short time.

The third approach, which I believe is the best one, is to learn it all and let it sink in. It does not mean that you’re now a manipulator yourself. It means, that after you learn it all and let it become a subconscious competence (remember the levels of earning a skill) – that you’d recognize patterns and decide whether to give in or ignore. You will also be able to pull out your toolbox of persuasion and use it when needed. Whatever you use it for – that depends on your own morals and ethics. However, you’d be safe from manipulators and forced manipulation tactics… well, at least until they re-invent the human psychology and come up with new strategies, but even then, I’m sure there would be a NLP modeler who would make it public.