By: Shlomo Vaknin, C.Ht

Every beginning trainee in NLP starts with the basic of the basics – The NLP Presuppositions.

Michael Hall and Bob Bodenhamer, in their fabulous for beginners book “The User’s Manual For The Brain“, divide the NLP presuppositions into 4 groups:

1. Mental Processing Presuppositions

2. Presuppositions about Human Behavior/Responses

3. Communicative Presuppositions

4. Learning—Choice—Change Presuppositions

Here are NLP Presuppositions divided to the above groups:

Mental Processing Presuppositions:

1. “The ‘map’ is not the ‘territory’” (“the menu is not the meal”).

2. People respond according to their internal maps.

3. Meaning operates context-dependently.

4. Mind-and-body inevitably and inescapably affect each other.

5. Individual skills function by developing and sequencing of rep systems.

6. We respect each person’s model of the world.

Presuppositions about Human Behavior/Responses:

7. Person and behavior describe different phenomena. We “are” more than our behavior.

8. Every behavior has utility and usefulness—in some context.

9. We evaluate behavior & change in terms of context and ecology.

Communicative Presuppositions:

10. We cannot not communicate.

11. The way we communicate affects perception & reception.

12. The meaning of communication lies in the response you get.

13. The one who sets the frame for the communication controls the action.

14. “There is no failure, only feedback,”

15. The person with the most flexibility exercises the most influence in the system

16. Resistance indicates the lack of rapport.

Learning—Choice—Change Presuppositions:

17. People have the internal resources they need to succeed.

18. Humans have the ability to experience one-trial learning.

19. All communication should increase choice.

20. People make the best choices open to them when they act.

21. As response-able persons, we can run our own brain and control our results.

The NLP definition of a lie – whatever can’t be proven as the ultimate truth of it. Which leaves about almost anything said, written or taught. We tell lies in NLP, since the lies that have been told so far didn’t serve us well. These lies, or at least some of them or at least those you want to accept or modify and accept – are better in the eyes of NLP for achieving the results you want.

If you are just starting to learn NLP, let me advise you this – challenge them! Challenge the ideas given in NLP, challenge the new beliefs the trainers are trying to convince you to believe in – challenge everything, because this way you will get 100 times more than other people in the training. Your mind will go not one extra mile, but 100 more, in an instant in order to construct your very own identity of what is most useful for you personally, in conditions of your goals, your abilities, your known unknown limitations and your future possibilities.

You have to remember the above, because your situation might be or certainly is different than others. If you’re an inmate in prison, trying to convince the probation board with “Every behavior has utility and usefulness” might not be a good idea. That belief might not serve you well in jail.

If you are a teacher in high-school, believing in the biggest lie of NLP – “There is no failure, only feedback” might actually drive your students records down! If I am a teenager, and I fail in an exam – if it’s now not a failure but a “feedback”, why should I even try to pass it? Where’s my motivation? Being good so my parents will like me? No. Being a good student so I’ll accomplish my most desired teenage goal to be popular? No. Being the best because I want to be my best? No.

The missing link is in the fear of failure. People are afraid to be afraid and they invent all kind of beliefs to prevent themselves from feeling the disturbing itch of a fear. And who, anyhow, attached the meaning of failure to a feeling of a fear from the beginning? Who said being afraid is being afraid? Who said being afraid is not normal and good and real? Who said you should even fight your fears, face them and destroy them? And if you try to do so, why aren’t they all gone once and for good?

I am asking many questions to open up your mind to the endless possibilities that are between the lines of NLP. They are hidden, because it’s the unspoken oath we have as NLP masters – provide the stimulus but not the final answer. Provide the direction but not the easy root to go through.

Time’s here, I hope.

Let’s discuss the following most important presuppositions:

1. The ‘map’ is not the ‘territory.

In general, I agree, the map can never accurately describe the territory (and if you ever drove in Milan, Italy, even the best GPS will get you lost in the real streets) – our patterns of thoughts and emotions that give meaning to our surrounding events (incoming traffic), can never truly describe what’s “really” going on out there, outside our body. We use so many processes in such a rapid way, that consciously we are not able to “catch” ourselves doing it – we distort a lot, we generalize quite a lot and we delete at least some of the pure information that we gather through our senses.

Some NLP practitioners take a step forward and try to find a way to get the map as close as possible to the territory – making so many fine detailing in their own minds, so many distinctions and refining that can leave the most ambitious orthodontic speechless. This is wrong, very wrong, in my opinion.

We are born with these 3 crucial reality-grabbing processes (if you managed so far to delete or distort or generalize them, here they are again) because we need them in order to survive. Perhaps 2,000 years ago our minds didn’t need that much of deletion or distortion in order to comprehend reality; perhaps in ancient times life was much simpler and required much less meaning-labeling-abilities. Today, however, we live in the excess-information age. We are not only bombered with information 24/hrs a day, but we also look for it anywhere we can. I believe Google is the best example of the most essential 4th tool to process the billions on billions of info bits we could have surfed through has it not sorted it out for us. Imagine where we would have been without a tool like Google – going through billions of web-pages arranged in the old web-directory way, not even knowing which sub-directory we need to find… whatever we need. It would have taken hours or days or worst – instead of 0.065 seconds to find almost the exact answer right on the first try.

If tools like deletion, distortion and generalization are so important and vital – why aren’t these skills within our immediate conscious control?

The answer lies within the questions, isn’t it so? If it was under our immediate conscious control, we would have messed it up! Any one of us would have done so. We would have to focus on every single bit of information coming through our senses – and make a decision on what to do about it. Remember the last time you zipped through the channels on TV? How long does it took you to decide on which station appeals to you more? Sometimes it takes a few seconds, sometimes you’re zipping for long minutes until you had enough thumb-exercise and you turn it off completely, annoyed that there’s never anything good to see on TV…

Now imagine doing that with your mind? Imagine that you had to go through every bit of information and had to decide whether it is important enough to keep it as is, and then where to file it if it is important – or do you need to delete a part of it or its whole, or generalize it or distort it in some form – all of that so it will fit to existing processes, which also means you must be aware of all of the billions of neurological processes going on in your mind – at one given moment.

Do you see what I mean when I’m saying we could not survive this way?

Now, let me surprise you just a bit more – you already are doing exactly that! Yes. At every single moment of your life your own mind is fully aware of what is going on around you and within you. Your mind is comprehending and learning new messages that are being received by your senses. Your mind is continually delete, distort and generalize all of those pieces of information so it would fit the numerous of existing running processes… and all of that without you consciously in control.

To make sense out of it, we made up two words – conscious and subconscious (or unconscious). These 2 words explain so much, but they are still made-up. There’s no such “thing” as conscious – it’s a process that we can define as whatever I do when I am aware of it.

Subconscious or unconscious also does not exist. We can define it as whatever I do while I am not aware of it.

“he has been unconscious about his actions”, said the criminologist, “he wasn’t aware of his actions at the time of murdering his wife, and therefore he is not guilty”.

I don’t know if that claim still works to persuade the court, but it does explain how it works – awareness is not a sign for life. Plants have self awareness, animals do, humans do, but in a way also rocks and earthquakes – self awareness is not “in the mind”, but it is the perception of knowing something is happening or taking place.

Plants know that a bee has brought a seed with her and they open their velvets.

Earthquake is a nominalization, but the earth that is shaking knows what physical law has being disturbed and reacts to it – physically, without any need for a mind that controls it.

We have self-awareness, but considering all the spirituality classes given these days – apparently, either we don’t know enough about it – or we put way too much emphasis on our self awareness.

Being un-aware and still alive and human might be a good discussion for a different article, though.

2. People respond according to their internal maps.

Let’s break down a lie – people do not always respond according to their own internal maps. Sometimes they respond against it because they think their intuition is wrong.

3. Meaning operates context-dependently.

Isn’t that known to be true even in your life? The meaning you give to anything is dependent on where you are, what you do, how you feel, what you think about, how many people are around you and the situation in general – location’s included – all of these factors together are titled “context”.

Can you name one emotion or action that is not context-related?

Does it make a different for you if you eat the most fantastic lunch in your kitchen standing up, in a first class department flying to Zurich, in a fine restaurant or on the top of a bridge? Doesn’t even the food taste different?

4. Mind-and-body inevitably and inescapably affect each other.

It’s easy to understand that one – if you’re sick, you’re emotionally down usually. If you’re emotionally down, usually you also get sick. If you are healthy, though, it’s easier to interrupt non-useful patterns and jump right back on that wagon of thoughtless-action orientation…

5. Individual skills function by developing and sequencing of rep systems.

In other words – by doing, learning, doing, relearning and doing – which of those “doing” is being done using your five senses?

6. We respect each person’s model of the world.

We could sum it as “we respect each other”. Just because someone else has a different point of view, it doesn’t mean that they are wrong and your are right. It could be a Win-Win situation – both of you are wrong! (and I’m right). This presupposition should be written on every office desk covering the space of it, so an experience such as “mobbing” would be less dramatic.

Presuppositions about Human Behavior/Responses:

7. Person and behavior describe different phenomena. We “are” more than our behavior.

Not necessarily. Our behavior shapes who we are and what our future is going to look like. However, we are certainly much more than our behavior – and of course, we do need to learn to express our behavior differently in order to get what we want and become what we need to.

8. Every behavior has utility and usefulness—in some context.

That is not acceptable by me and has never been. I struggled with it a lot, and its sub-presupposition – “behind every behavior there’s a positive intention” freaks me out, sincerely. As far as I am concerned, not every behavior serves a “higher” or “useful” purpose. Some people engage in practicing habits knowingly that these habits will eventually destroy them.

Today, there are even more people that find emotional or physical remedy in illegal drugs – though we learned all the way from a very young age – that these substances are extremely addictive, easy to consume (usually our money) and will eventually kill us. I know that in every fiber of my body, and so did my neighbor who is now after 12 years of a long struggle to heal the permanent damages he caused to his body and life and get un-addicted.

Is that the kind of life you would want for your kids? Teaching them that behind every nasty behavior there’s a positive intention? That using drugs is “useful”? It might be ‘ok’ to experiment and open up your horizons, but why doing so on the expense of your most essential resource – your life? What kind of a useful life could you lead being a drug-junky sitting on the side road collecting pennies to be able to buy the next dose? What kind of an inspiration do you think you can give the world in that state?

I might be an old-fashion 28 years old, but I do believe that global new-age beliefs such as “act upon your impulses” or “experience everything life has to offer” are dangerous is they are not being taught in the right context. It is very easy to confuse “act upon your impulses” with stabbing someone when you are very upset, if you are drunk or if your map of the world is that of violence for survival. It’s very easy to confuse “experience everything life has to offer” as a good reason to try drugs or driving drunk or flying an airplane without a license – hey, life is offering (it’s out there anyway), why not? I think the reason of “you might die because of your stupidity” should be written as a warning on all the new-age products that promote those ideas.

9. We evaluate behavior & change in terms of context and ecology.

Not every behavior is bad, and not every behavior has utility and usefulness – in any context. You can measure a behavior only upon the results you’re getting out of practicing it – and if that result is what you need and desire. If not, then it could be the most noble behavior in the world – but it’s useless if it didn’t at least get you a bit ahead towards what you aimed for.

Ecology is simply the alignment of your goals with respect to what has changed around you. If you became rich but lost your family, that money doesn’t really has any value no more, is it not?

10. We cannot not communicate.

You and me are communicating right now. I’m expressing my thoughts on paper (actually, on the word processor), and you are reading my thoughts (don’t go left, that’s where I keep the dirty ones). I am writing it right now, which is my “now”, your “now” comes later to mine. That is communication.

Even if I don’t want to communicate with you, I don’t have a choice here, do I? Even you, as you read this, don’t really have a choice. You’re thinking right now, processing the black or blue letters on the page, making them meaningful for you – looking for useful ideas you can use in your own life – but you don’t have a choice about this communication, you have to communicate, to respond within yourself – that is communication. If you change a belief, change a habit, change a lifestyle because of one word or one sentence or 1,000 articles I provide here – this communication has been fruitful. Whatever happens to you next, though, is not my fault.

11. The way we communicate affects perception & reception.

You speak to your friend. He listens. Whatever you say, is going out of your mouth (if that’s what you use to communicate) towards his reception organs (ears). The time that it takes to your thought to move through your lips into his ears and from there his mind takes it to make meaning out of it – is very long. It takes at least a second for your spoken ideas to be mis-interpreted – deleted, distorted and generalized – which brings the factor of context into account – whatever you said is being accepted differently than what you meant.

12. The meaning of communication lies in the response you get.

There’s a popular Israeli song that starts with the lyrics – “If I look, I see you – If I listen, I hear you – we are somewhat alike”.

That is the meaning of communication – taking responsibility for what you are submitting for others to understand. Instead of getting frustrated you can memorize that each person (just like you and I) is deleting, distorting and generalizing even YOUR words. Yes, your words are being deleted or distorted or generalized by every single person you encounter.

Even my words, as they are written here, are being distorted, generalized and deleted. Even written words, did you ever think about that? Didn’t you know, that as you read these words, there’s a voice in your head that is telling you my story? It’s not MY voice, it’s yours. How could YOUR voice tell you MY story? Even though the words here are clear, organized and somewhat understandable – your voice is giving it a different meaning. That’s the magic of communication – being able to mean something different to each person, using exactly the same words.

How do you think the bible was interpreted so violently by some people and so peacefully by others? How could it be that the same testament is being taught differently in different cultures? If we can assume that there is a god, then we must assume he/she is doing the same process – deleting, distorting and generalizing – ignoring the fact that some people convert his/her words into a meaning that almost certainly was not his/her intention. It doesn’t matter who’s right and who’s wrong, it matters that everybody are perhaps – wrong! (I might be right though)

13. The one who sets the frame for the communication controls the action

If you set a frame of anger – that’s what you’re going to get. If you set a frame of understanding, you’ll be understood right back. If you set a frame of patience, you’ll get patience back. It is almost certain that if you are the “conscious” decider of how that random communication will be “translated”, meaning you have the flexibility to change your words and context and way of delivering it – to match what you need to transmit, according to the other person’s map.

14. “There is no failure, only feedback,”

This is just a flat lie. THERE IS failure and it is burning like hell. You don’t want to spend even one hour there, so go work on your goals, go become more and achieve whatever your heart is telling you to achieve. You don’t want failure, you want success. Feedback is for people who think there’s something else but success. It’s the only thing you can be satisfied with, feedback is what you get after you realize you’re not on the right track – meaning, after you fail.

15. The person with the most flexibility exercises the most influence in the system

16. Resistance indicates the lack of rapport.

Or simply that the other person just doesn’t get your meaning. We all resist when we don’t understand – just remember the first class of Trigonometry in high-school.

17. People have the internal resources they need to succeed.

In a way, yes. In another way, no. If you want to succeed as a pilot and you’re blind (which makes me wonder how you can read this article) – you don’t really have the resources you need to accomplish your goal.

If you’re lazy, you have the resources but you also have a very poor strategy. If you’re a procrastinator – the same thing. If you wish to learn how to fly from a Home-Video session – you might want to consider a different safer goal.

The resources you have inside are your senses and your ability to remember, comprehend and learn or relearn. The way you use these resources is the big question.

18. Humans have the ability to experience one-trial learning.

Yes, and that’s why fear is such a useful emotion. You can have a fear from procrastination, for example, if it serves you well. Some skills, however, do require more than one-trial – that’s why people fail and decide something is not for them. They “learned” it isn’t instead of looking for the core of their ambition to try it in the first place and having enough flexibility to go through the learning curve.

19. All communication should increase choice.

Or decrease choice if you want to convince another person.

20. People make the best choices open to them when they act.

No. Sorry, but that is just another syndrome of “he wasn’t aware of his actions at the time of the murder”. An old insurance joke says that court statements show the following after a car accident, when the driver said: “I didn’t have a choice but to run him over – he was right in front of me”.

21. As response-able persons, we can run our own brain and control our results.

And we can call that NLP.